“Long, long time since I’ve been here yeah, long, long, long time…”

Hello.  So the last few months have really flown by.  A lot has happened.  Most recently being me taking my EMT-B state practical exam.  I won’t find out officially for a few more weeks, but I’m pretty sure I passed.  Next, I’ll take the written exam, and hopefully pass that, and then I’ll be an EMT-B.  I took a firearms safety class.  It was fun, and now I am applying to get my License to Carry… fingers crossed.  I also got notice that I passed the police officer civil service exam, and the hiring lists come out in early November, so we’ll see about that then…

The end of summer was wrapped up quite nicely with the Life is Good Festival.  What an amazing event.  I really couldn’t even do it justice if I tried to describe it. LoveLoveLove.

My Gramps passed last month.  We are having a burial ceremony for him Friday.  It was very emotional, I’m sure Friday will be more of the same.  In the end it was a blessing, he was ready, it was time.  I’ll really miss him.

Monday was a year and a half.  Life is a strange and beautiful journey.

 

July’s thoughts and activities.

Hello.  I hope the summer has been kind to all of you reading this.  Screw all the others!  Just kidding…  I hope everyone on the planet is having the best possible summer given all their specific situations.

July was quite eventful.  I was able to spend a good amount of time with family.  My cousin came home from Japan (where she lives because her husband is stationed there), and I was able to meet her daughter for the first time.  She’s awesome!  Also got to hang out with her son whom I had only met a few times as a teeny baby and very small little guy.  It was so nice to see them (and a lot of the extended fam) several times throughout the month.  As usual I was blessed to be able to fill the month with a ton of great music.  From a small selection of local shows that I was able to make it to town for, to a day at Vibes, to another completely bliss filled weekend at Newport Folk, I was able to soak up many hours of fantastic shows/tunes.  It does its part to keep me going, that’s for sure. Vibes was crazy, it was over 100 degrees and seemed more like a ‘Can you live through this?!’ challenge than anything else.  So much water. So much sweating.  But we survived and I feel stronger for it  We were also able to catch some great music.  Ryan Montbleau Band, Tedeschi Trucks Band, and a really entertaining set from Taj Mahal Trio were the highlights for me.  Great friends and great music beats heat any day, but we left early since we had my friends 8 month old baby with us, and it was just SO HOT.  She did a fantastic job though, I must say… Good job Emma!!  Newport was amazing (total understatement, but I seriously can’t find appropriate words).  I really can’t stop gushing about it again.  That festival just blows my mind with awesomness every time I go.  It’s most definitely my favorite. Pretty much the entire line-up was brilliant, Tegan and Sara was a highlight for me. Mavis, Amos Lee, The Civil Wars, The Decemberists… I mean, I’m not going to list all of them… you get the idea.  I illustrated a book with my sister last month as well.  That was pretty cool.  It’s a children’s book/teacher’s manual called “Before You Yell: a Letter to a Teacher From a Student”.  It went to be proofread/edited at a publisher last week, so we’ll see about that.  Maybe I can get a move on my hug book now.  I also had a court appointment, and it ended up being (hopefully) a good turn for my case. More on that later this month.

Overall July was good.  I’m doing Yoga almost every other day, and feeling stronger. My EMT course ends this Thursday.  Yesterday we had class from 8-5, and we spent all day doing mock rescues from car crash scenarios.  It was behind a fire house with real junk cars and we all rotated being rescuers and victims, it was fun.  Also physically (and bit emotionally) exhausting.  At the end of the day they showed us all the extrication tools and cut up one of the cars.  Then they let some of us break windows and remove doors from the other car.  I broke two windows with two of the different tools they have for doing so.  I got to put on some fire gear.  It was pretty cool, and I must say I did it more efficiently than the guys that broke the other two windows

I also saw the last Harry Potter movie earlier this month and I really enjoyed it.  I have not been a big HP fan, but had seen most of the movies.  I thought they were pretty cool.  But this last one I really liked.  Great movie.  Very entertaining.  I then decided since I’d seen all the movies that I would start reading the books.  I’m almost done with the third one.  It’s been about three weeks since I started reading.  I need book four…

Well, hello.

It’s funny to look and see that the last time I wrote was in March, and that back then I was so surprised that it had been over a month since I posted.  And here we are 45 min away from July.  We’ve got some catching up to do…

There have certainly been ups and downs the last three months.  Some simple things and some major life altering happenings.  I’m beginning to fully realize that life is jam-packed with both of these things.  I’m going to focus mostly on the good stuff in here…

I got back to the islands (St. John only this year) in April.  It ended up being a bit of an ordeal, but set in paradise nonetheless…  It was the first time my entire family was to take a vacation.  Mum, dad, and my sisters flew in several hours before me, and as I was ferrying over from St. Thomas I received a call from my older sister informing me that my mum had fallen and was being taken by ambulance to the health clinic (there’s no hospital on St. John).  It was so surreal.  A movie moment really.  I tried to stay positive, landed, dropped my things at the inn, and got the scoop.  It didn’t sound good.  The clinic was pretty much closed when she got there, and they didn’t have an x-ray machine, so she had to ride an ambulance boat to St. Thomas and go to the hospital there.  Then we waited.  And we tried to enjoy the show.  And we tried to not alienate our friends good times.  And then we found out that she was hurt pretty seriously.  Fractures, shoulder and knee.  Kind of put a damper on the rest of the week.  But we made the best of it, and I have to say, she was a trooper.  We made sure my dad got some time out on what I hear was an amazing boat trip (I stayed behind with mum), and the guys killed it per usual, which is always fun.  We got some nice beach time and explored some really cool parts of the island as well.  I think we had over 20 people in our group including the band.  Good times.

April was also my one year re-birthday.  Emotiony.

I spent most of April vacation on the vineyard.  That was really nice.  My sister’s new room is amazing.  I also took the police officer civil service exam and I started taking an EMT course in May.  I actually don’t know how the test went yet, but the class is going really well.  I like it a lot and am excited to see how it pans out.  I’ve met some cool people, and I am enjoying being in a classroom environment again.  May went pretty well. Full of music and hockey, and an AMAZING Memorial Day weekend on the cape with some great friends.  June was a nice summer prep time.  I saw Paul Simon.  There really aren’t any words to explain that.  I attended my first (and surely not my last) Mt. Jam festival.  What an awesome festival that is!  I had an incredible time.  Amazing venue, stellar company, and OUTSTANDING music.  The second annual Jesse Dee house concert rocked.  And then there was Reunion.  Oh Reunion…  I think it was last years Reunion that got me through a lot of those tough times last summer, and I’m using this years as a spring-board into the good times that are bound to come this summer.  I truly cannot wait for next year’s Reunion

School ended a week ago.  I sort of miss the kids.  I miss some of my coworkers too.  I do enjoy the more free time, but, oh hey, here are the FREAKING MONEY WOES again. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.  I’ve got two part time jobs that are both only one day a week right now, so I need more.  I just started working with a family that has three boys.  3, almost 2 and one born 5 days ago!  He’s so tiny and precious…

I attended the wedding celebration of two of my favorite people this past weekend.  It was so perfect.  So beautiful.  SO MUCH FUN!!!  We danced for hours!!  I’ve not done that in a very long time  The soreness was well worth it…

Physically I am coming along.  It is SO SLOW.  I’ve tried very hard to not let if frustrate me, yet it remains a daily struggle.  I have been able to exercise more though, and it is really fulfilling when I do (regardless of the limitations and resulting soreness).  In the three weeks before my class started I was doing Bikram once or twice a week.  That was awesome, but then class really gobbled up all my free time.  I was working at school and after school, and picking up kids after their afterschool and sitting on Fridays, so I was pretty strapped for time already.  Add in hockey playoffs and I was cooked!!!  Speaking of that…

THE FREAKING BRUINS WON THE STANLEY CUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, that was some great hockey.  Watching those playoffs was some of the best times of the last few months for me.  God I love hockey.  Decade of Dominance baby!!!!

So now that school is over I’m going to get back to Bikram.  That’s that plan.  Also, ace-ing my class and passing the written and practical exam in October.  That’s my focus.

Get healthy and become an EMT.  That’s a good plan right?!

 

 

 

 

 

February did happen…

It’s March 12th.  Crazy.  It’s been exactly 48 days since my last post.  Also sort of crazy.  I felt like posting a few times here and there in that time, but I just didn’t do it.  It’s been 11 months since my accident, and I can’t believe how much it still affects what is happening in my daily life.  It changed everything, every little thing.  It took everything I knew, or thought I knew, and crumpled it into a ball and tossed it aside.  Now I get to try to iron that out, and it’s proving quite difficult.  Everything is in question…

I’ve got a flu type sickness and have been home resting and drinking ridiculous amounts of liquids since after school yesterday.  My sister informed me earlier that ‘My So Called Life’ is now available on Netflix instant watch, so that’s been monopolizing my day and night.  Man, I love this show.  I’m so glad it was on when it was on, and that I watched it.  In fact, my whole family usually watched it.  Good times.

I’ve written a few haikus lately…  can’t really think of anything else to write here so here goes:

Hello hazy moon

you, with your aqueous swells,

turn me like a top.

 

Spring’s sunshine tendrils

delicately coaxing me

out of Winter’s blue.

 

Hope springs eternal

warm sunshine on fresh new skin

seedlings peeking through.

 

 

 

Mind Over Matter

I have a headache.  I’ve been a huge ball of stress for I think longer than I even realize. I feel like I’m being pushed down upon from all directions.  I’m doing my best to be resilient, it works most of the time.  This whole situation has just built up momentum into being really hard to cope with.  I started off so positive and rearing to get onto the road to recovery.  I don’t think the emotionality of the situation really set in until a couple months ago.  I’ve been pushed to my emotional limit, but it is sort of a good thing because I know it will, in the end, make me stronger.  As long as I can navigate through the ups and slightly steeper downs…(insert mantra)  I know I can do this because I’m not going to give up.  I am a strong and capable person.  I can weather this storm that has been presented to me for some reason that, after getting through it, will be as clear as a pond on a day without wind.

Having not enough money to live (as far as paying all the bills, eating, driving places, and or doing anything) makes most everything difficult.  I feel guilty going anywhere because everything we do costs money.  I don’t have any business doing this when I owe money in so many directions.  This only perpetuates the bad feelings though.  It’s a vicious cycle.  I have been wanting/needing to exercise more, but everytime I try to do a little more there is quite a bit of pain involved.  I think that I have to push through at this point, but it is really hard to interpret the pain.  I think/hope it’s just my weak-ass muscles and connectors being hurty because they are weak and relearning stuff, but I fear that I’m not healed as well as I thought, or that I might be hurting myself more.  It’s just hard to tell.  I’m going through this next week pushing it a bit, hopefully I’ll end up on the other side of this pain.  I’d like that.  I’ve started a second job, it’s only 4 hours a week right now, but there is opportunity for more to come soon.  I hope that happens.  I’d like that too.  I also sent out some messages to some people on care.com to be an occasional sitter.  I hope that some/any of them get back to me.  And, I might be getting to sit for my favorite little guy soon as well. This pleases me greatly.  Maybe after a few months of two/three jobs and some occasional sitting I can get back on track with money… I can at least pay some of the people that I owe money to back.  That will make me feel better.

My case should be starting up in early February.  I’m both happy and nervous about this.  Trying not to add it to the stress pile.

I plan on going to a free introductory Tai Chi class on Monday.  I’ve very excited about this. I’ve been interested in learning and practicing Tai Chi for years.  It seems like it might be the perfect way for me to get a full body workout that is low impact and flowy so as to not hurt as much as other exercise might.  We’ll see.  If, and when, I get to the other side of this pain road block I want to start Bikram.  I’m really looking forward to this possibility.  I took my first class shortly before my accident and loved it, so I’ve been eager to get back into shape enough to start again.  Mind and body balance and healing is what I’m after.  For now yoga, PT exercises, Tai Chi and my own meditation time will have to do.

Breathe deep.  Dive in.  I’m gonna do this…

It’s been 17 days (but who’s counting?)…

Ok blog, you haven’t gotten the best of me.  I have lost my discipline though, and I am really trying to find it again.  I’m not even holding myself up to any real high standards, every few days, once a week, whatever… still can’t do it.  What the heck?!

New Years was a pretty amazing event.  Great friends, family and a flipping fantastic show.  Since then, I’ve just been riding the old rollercoaster of life: up and down and up and down and around and around and around… all the emotions and stuff.  Pretty normal I guess.  Nothing really to speak of.  It is all in the past now.  I hope I learned something from it all.  Or something at all.  It occurs to me that that is exactly what these things are, what everything is.  Little lessons that we will be taught no matter how much we worry or fight or ignore stuff (or even the opposite of all those things!). The lessons will present themselves, and if we fail to learn from them they will continue to do so until we learn.  That’s why I try to have no expectations.  Because I know, no matter what I plan out or expect to happen, the lessons that I need to learn will be placed in my path.  I know that I’ll have to go through whatever is there in order to come out on the other side a more informed (and hopefully more well-rounded) individual.  It makes no sense to worry about what I may or may not face.  It make no sense to think that I might know what lies ahead of me.  I’m not sure if this falls under the category of faith or not, but it feels a little faithy.  I am exactly where I am.  I am here because this is where I am.  I cannot dwell on the past and wish that things had gone differently, nor can I worry about the future and drive myself crazy trying to be one step ahead of what MIGHT happen.  Doing either of those things instantly kills the present moment, or rather ones ability to recognize its beauty and enjoy its uniqueness.  I like to think that I am as prepared as I should be for whatever is to come in my life, and if not, then when I am faced with such a case, I will (hopefully) learn really quickly as I go!  This is the fun of life, no?  Being content to be.  That’s what I want for myself and everybody I care for.  With everything I’ve faced this year I feel like I’ve learned a ton, but when it comes down to it, it really has just prepared me for this very moment.  To be thinking in this manner, and to be hashing it out on this blog right now, and to be being.

I don’t know how to fully explain what I’m thinking/feeling.  I actually think that is somewhat impossible.  But you will take from this whatever your own interpretation of it is and that is just fine.  I find people, and their different ways of ‘seeing’ things, completely fascinating.  I also find that most people have no idea and are trying to present themselves as having a very good idea.  Be it about who they are or what they want or even how they want to be seen and treated by others.  If you are not true to yourself you will not shine through true to others, and then the ways others “treat” you will be way different from the ways in which you desire to be seen and treated.

Shine true.  Always.  Love.  Always.

 

Holiday hubbub…

So it looks like I’m going for once a week here… somewhat pathetic… perhaps another resolution is called for.  Lots has happened since I last wrote.  Some great C’s games (and one pretty terrible one on Christmas, but we’ll look past that one for now), the last days of school before vacation, some really wonderful nights of music, and tons of family time.  Session on Tuesday really kicked me back into the place that I’ve been missing lately.  I truly love them, so very much.  I watched my Gramps Thursday and Friday and then did some Christmas decorating with my sister at my parent’s house. We went to midnight mass and my sisters and I all slept at my parents (in our old brass bed) for Christmas eve.  Christmas morning was really nice, we all made out pretty well.  I won 50 bucks on the scratch ticket in my stocking!!  That NEVER happens. Pumped.  I’m starting a fund to get to the islands this year and that’s going to help out a lot.  Dinner was amazing, as usual.  We lazed around for a while, had dessert, and played Apples to Apples.  Fun times.  Then I ended up going out to meet up with some old friends at a bar in Brockton.  Met some new ones too  It was so nice to see some people that I haven’t caught up with in a long time.  I really love that feeling.  When someone comes into your life and it works so well, your paths diverge, and then, whenever they happen to come back together, it’s like you’ve never been apart.  It doesn’t happen with just anyone, and I really love it when it does.  Did I mention that?

Sunday I had plans to go home, but a blizzard decided that I was to stay in Bridgewater one more night.  I went to the bar my friends hang and work at to watch the game (another week of pretty much total domination…YES!!!!!), and then drove to my sisters place to hunker down… SO MUCH SNOW!!  She had me try on a bunch of things for New Year’s (I found nothing), my other sister joined us, we ate some delicious Chattabox leftovers, and then we watched several episodes of Six Feet Under.  I got the series box set for Christmas… so stoked.  We woke up today under a good foot of snow. Good thing my sister lives in a condo place and they had plowed us out.  We cleaned off the cars and headed to pick up my mum so we could run to Burlington Coat Factory to look for shoes that we need for New Years.  I found nothing.  Next up, journey to Woods Hole.  Got there with plenty of time for my sister to catch the ferry, but soon found out they cancelled it… bummer.  We waited to see if the next one would run and luckily it did.  We said our goodbyes and mum and I headed back to Bridgewater. The time had come for me to finally head back up north.  I packed up my stuff, my dad forced me to take a whole bunch of food and then secretly slipped me some money on my way out (he’s seriously the BEST), and then I was on my way.  I decided to stop in Somerville for a possible movie date, but we’ve been sidelined by this awesome football game (and maybe a bit of lazyness!).  That brings us to now.  I’m going to try and update more often.  I hope you all had an awesome holiday.

I don’t know about any of you, but I am really looking forward to ringing in this new year.